My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize