She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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