she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
