hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
