By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
