youre lurking in front of me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
