Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
