i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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