you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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