I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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