i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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