he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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