oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
