I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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