I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
