Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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