and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
