So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
