You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
