Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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