The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
