She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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