how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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