i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
