My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
