He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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