just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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