I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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