Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
