Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
