I will die if light touches me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
BRING THE BAGELS
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