No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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