omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
