he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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