Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
