My room smells like vodka and shame
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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