we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
