Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
