i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
