Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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