I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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