Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
