How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
