you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
