Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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