covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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