I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
