You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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