I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
