Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's shark week go big or go home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
