It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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