He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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