I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
its liver damage thursday
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
