Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
