I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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