Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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