I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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