Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
