He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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