the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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