i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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