She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
