Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
