dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
