So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
