I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
