There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
