i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
