Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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