You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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