they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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