y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My hand turned me down
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
