Yo dont text me then not text me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize