finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
