Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
