i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
