I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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