Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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