anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
